He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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