If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
