Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize