No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
