she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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