my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
