saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
