I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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