Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
