Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize