he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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