And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just had sex bonerless
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize