dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
