Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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