we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
