you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
