i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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