I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
