Already got asked if we're dating
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize