When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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