Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
