You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
