So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
