I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
