I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We left an ass print on the piano.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
