I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
