Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
