i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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