don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's official drugs can't kill me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
