My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
