My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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