I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
