I seem to have left my pride at pride
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
