i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
