I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
