How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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