Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
