someone threw a dead crab at me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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