If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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