i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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