there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
