dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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