2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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