He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
