I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
