i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
