I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
