they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize