quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize