currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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