i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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