I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize