this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
