Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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