i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
did you just send me my own nude
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
