i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Success! We fucked roommates!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
