How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
