So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize