I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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