This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
