So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
