you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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