I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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