He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize