No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
