I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
