Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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