I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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