So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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