I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
