I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
