your thong is hanging out like whoa
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
