He felt like a one man threesome
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
